What Hurts The Most
by wisher93
Summary: Jane and Lisbon get into trouble. This is after the fact. Jane is hurt. Summary stinks, but read it! Jisbon. Rated T for swearing.
1. Jane is hurt

What Hurts the Most

I am not sure how to continue my other two stories I currently am working on, so I decided to write this. It has been bothering me for awhile! This will most likely be a oneshot, but we will see. Thanks for reading.

Wisher 93

"Are you sure he is going to be okay?" Lisbon asked the doctor.

"He is recovering well. I won't know anything for sure until he wakes up," the doctor replied, her features graced with the up most sympathy.

"You said that the last two times I asked," she said with severe disappointment.

"I know what I said, and I also know that there is nothing you can do to change it. I am sorry Miss. The most important thing you can do is be there for him and talk to him. Maybe that will encourage him to wake up," the doctor said as she gave Lisbon another encouraging smile.

'Why do they even try to make us feel better? How can a smile and a few words change what happened to Jane?'

Lisbon slowly walked down the hallway, her feet carrying her almost automatically to the door she had become much too familiar with for her liking. She stood halfway inside the room and listened to Jane's breathing. She couldn't yet see him and she wasn't sure she could take staring at his practically lifeless body for much longer. If not for his soft breathing, she would have gone crazy long ago.

She knows she needs to go in there, and see him, talk to him. To beg him to wake up, if only for her sake. She knew that was being much too selfish, but what could she say? She knew the team needed him too, and he had yet to find Red John and get his revenge. She would help Jane find Red John if it meant he would wake up. She hated knowing all the things she would do for him. Her annoying, joke making, psychic, her best friend and maybe more (not that she would ever admit that to anyone, let alone Jane. Well, at least not yet.) . But that, she knew was not okay. She could not let herself feel anything for Jane. He was in a state she didn't know how to deal with. How do you help someone who pretends they don't need help.

Then it hit her. She is exactly the same way. She never lets anyone in and never admits she needs help, even when she really does.

'How odd that I never realized how much I need someone there for me sometimes. I guess not everyone is perfect and we all need help eventually.'

Lisbon takes the few more necessary steps to see Jane. She once again is shocked at what she sees. Realizing she was holding her breath she lets it out slowly, and breaths deeply.

"Oh Jane," she sighed, "look what you got yourself into. I am so sorry I couldn't get you out of this mess too. I need you to know that. Please wake up Jane. Please." Finding herself on the brink of tears, with no response, she continues talking about normal things. About anything that will help her feel like everything is the way it's supposed to be.

Lisbon hears a soft knock at the door and sees the nurse Kate's head poke in the door.

"Hello, Miss Lisbon. It's getting late. You have been here for days. Let's see, has it been five or…"

"It's been seven," Lisbon interrupts. She looks at Jane again and Kate can see the unshed tears in her eyes.

A lonesome tear makes its way slowly down her cheek when Kate says, "You know my father has been in this very hospital for years. He is stuck in a coma. He was shot four times by a guy who thought he was someone else. I know what it's like and I must say, as wonderful a person you seem, I don't think Mr. Jane would want you sitting around in the same clothes you had on when you arrived. Go home, get some sleep and I will call you if anything happens, no matter how slight it may be, alright?"

"Oh, I don't know about that. I could sleep through the call, or get stuck in traffic, or…"

"Mrs. Lisbon, I doubt you will sleep through the call, you awake at the slightest change in his heart beat on the monitor, and I doubt there is enough traffic to slow you down at midnight. Go home. Mr. Jane is well taken care of and that will continue," she presses gently.

"Alright. And thank you for everything. And please, call me Teresa. I will be back at…" she faltered, "eight tomorrow, okay?" she asked taking a minute to look, once again, at Jane while deciding when to come back.

"Okay, Teresa. I will see you then," Kate said with a smile.

With one more look at Jane, a quick "Good bye, I will see you tomorrow.", and a silent 'I think I like you a little too much.' she walked out the door, and went to her car.

"Jane!" Lisbon yelled as she shot out of bed. "Jane. Damn it Jane. What the hell where you thinking," she said aloud after realizing what she had just been through had only been a dream.

'You better hurry the hell up and wake up from the a coma. I will go crazy if I need to relive what happened to us again.'

Looking at the clock Lisbon realized it was only three fifteen in the morning. Not wanting to go back to bed for fear of having the same dream again, she decided to watch T.V. Padding through to her couch, she dragged the blanket over herself as she wills herself to relax into the cushions.

'CSI, no, Full House, uh-uh, In Plain Sight, maybe, Law and Order SVU…'

She switched it to In Plain Sight as a tear rolled down her cheek. She couldn't get the dream out of her mind. It was like what happened is a part of her. A part that no matter how hard she tries won't go away. A part she doesn't know if she can live with, and doesn't know how anyone else could either.

It was five to four when the phone rang. Lisbon was watching Marshall Mann and Mary Shannon. She actually really liked the show. It took her mind of what happened, if even for a few minutes at a time.

'What the hell… Jane!' She realized as the phone chimed for the third time.

She picked up the phone and heard Kate say, "He is moving. He may wake up. Hurry here, and you might be here if he does."

"He is? Oh, thank God!" she said, pulling on jeans and then finding her shoes. Lisbon slid into the driver's seat in her car.

"I will be there soon. I am already in my car and pulling out of the driveway."

"Alright. See you soon."

"Hey, thanks for letting me know," She replied somehow able to remember to be thankful.

"I told you I would."

Lisbon took a deep breath. The first in a while she imagined.

As she sped down the highway she thought about Jane and the possibility of him waking up. Was here deepest wish going to come true, or was she about to break down again (on the inside of course) because he will not be waking up now, and he maybe never will. She wished she could be strong, but she couldn't seem to be able to get full control of her emotions. Why that was she didn't understand. He was annoying. She practically despised him. He could read her so easy, she wasn't sure if she liked that or not, but it sure got old.

'But recently… I just… well something happened and I don't really know what it was. We just… I don't even know, but it was what… amazing?'

Lisbon sees the sign for the hospital and takes the exit. Ten minutes later she is inside and approaching his room. Kate is waiting outside with a concerning look on her face.

'She looks almost… upset,' Lisbon thinks.

"Can I see him. Please? Like now?" she asks, with the worst case scenarios running through her head.

"Uh, I'm sorry. Jane is not waking up. At least we don't think he is. We don't think he ever will now. I really am sorry," Kate said looking as if she is holding back tears of her own.

"No. no, no, no. This is not happening. You're lying to me," she cried. "Why would you do that? He will wake up. He has to!" Nothing she could do would keep the tears from freely falling. She didn't cry in front of people. Ever, really. But she no longer cared. She didn't care that people passing by were giving her pitiful looks or that the nurse no longer tried to get her to stop.

"What happened?" She finally managed as she pushed open the door and walked to his side.

"It looked like he was going to wake up, I mean he was moving and that's a good sign. Then he had a seizure. It was a bad one and very rare. It caused him to go into a state we believe he will never come out of." Lisbon clutched his hand for dear life, feeling it limp and rough in her small hands.

"But you're not sure. He could wake up. I mean there is a possibility," Lisbon asked begging on the inside that God would do this one thing for her. After all she had been through. They had been through.

"Um, well yes. I suppose, but we highly doubt it," Kate said, eyes cast down. "I'll be at the nurses' desk if you need me," she informed Lisbon as she turned and left.

Lisbon walked around Jane's bed to a chair where she sat down and took his hand. The tears kept falling.

"Jane, damn it. Wake up. Right now. I need you. Now, Jane. Come on, please," she started of angry and mad, but as she went on she broke down again. "Jane I love you," she admitted, her voice breaking. "Wake up," she commanded as she hung her head and cried more tears than she thought one could hold.

So this is my first real sad story and like I said my first oneshot. But if you all like it and you R&R, maybe I will continue. It depends on what you think. Even if you don't like it, please tell me why. It would help me a lot! Thanks to NeverAndAlways for being my beta again!

Thanks, Wisher93


	2. Lisbon can't take the pain

Alright, well I have received some reviews and most were along the lines of 'continue please!', so that is what I'm doing. Here we go… and yes, I own nothing. This took forever to write, so I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

"Oh, Jane. Why are you doing this to me? It's been thirty-two days and your condition is the exact same. You are never going to wake up are you?" she says to Jane.

Mere minutes later Kate walks in the room once again to see Lisbon sitting beside Jane, as if it were only yesterday they came in. She slowly moves to stand beside Lisbon, preparing to give the news.

"Miss Lisbon," she starts, "I am supposed to let you know that you are the closest thing to family Mr. Jane has. Therefore, you have the say over his ventilator. If you so choose, you are the one to decide whether or not the plug will be pulled. I understand that this is a hard choice, so take your time. I will be at the nurses station if you need me." She turned around and walked out the door as she saw Lisbon's world once again come crashing down, her heart shattering beyond repair, and her faith disappearing as fast as she could fall to the floor on her knees.

"Jane, I'm so sorry. You must understand that I can't do this anymore. Don't you see? I really meant what I said. I _do_ love you Jane. I do. That is why I have to let go, let myself go. I don't know how you could go on after you lost so much. I am not strong. I can't do this. I am leaving. I need to end this pain. I never really could understand how someone could end their own life, but now I know," she said as she stood and gently touched his cheek with her fingers. "I get it. This is what they were feeling. I never thought much about how I would do something like this, but I know I can do it. Somehow I have to find the strength. It helps to know there is a chance that maybe someday, somewhere I will find myself in your arms, though you don't believe. Please Jane, please believe for me." Lisbon's hand made it's way from it's resting place on Jane's cheek to his heart. She left it there and felt his heart beat.

'But it's not really his,' she told herself. 'A machine is breathing for him now.'

Lisbon took her hand off his body and stood. After a moment of deliberation she carefully slid into his bed, watching closely to make sure wires and machines went undisturbed. Her head found his shoulder and her hand grabbed his. She laid like this for a long time. After a few minutes she found herself thinking back to the days when everything was okay. When everything was happy and when Jane was annoying. What she wouldn't give to be like that again.

* * *

"I'm a cop, and I lie to you all the time. You never catch it."

"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but you're translucent, my dear. I always know when your lying. Sometimes I let you think you fooled me just so you don't feel bad," Jane smiled.

"Name one time," Lisbon challenged.

"Mm. Last Thanksgiving you said you were going back East to your brothers house, but I knew you were actually planning to have three days home alone to watch old movies, and eat ice cream."

"Okay," she said avoiding eye contact. "So that's one time."

* * *

"I mean, I wasn't humiliated. I wasn't brainwashed," she started to explain.

"So you say," he started.

"I wasn't," Lisbon continued, "It was useful, actually."

"How so?" Jane asked her while biting his apple.

"Learning about communication and leadership skills, building trust… something you could profit from."

"What does that mean?" he asked her.

Like you don't know you have major trust issues."

"I trust people. I trust you."

"No, you don't. I don't trust you either."

Jane skillfully tossed his apple and watched it land in the can with a thud. "That's upsetting to hear that. And really, you don't trust me?"

"Of course not. How many times have you lied to me, misled me, tricked me? Is that trust? No."

"Well we have to remedy this. Let's do a trust fall," he told her looking all too serious.

"A trust fall?" she asked starting to get worried.

"Yeah. I'm sure you did one on your CBI retreat. It's when you turn around and fall backword, and I catch you," he explained

"Oh, yes, we did do that."

"Mm-hmm."

"No," Lisbon said sternly.

"You wont?" he asked confused.

"We have a long drive still."

"Ah. Here we have two co-workers recognizing the boundaries of their professional relationship. See, you want to trust me, but there is something holding you back."

"Yes. You're untrustworthy. It's my job not to trust you."

"Lisbon," he said while looking in her eyes, "I want you to know that you can trust me. No matter what happens, I will be there for you. I will." Jane bent his knees a little so he was at her level. "I need you to know that."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She nodded her head once, but it was barely visible. Jane caught it though, and that was enough for him.

"Now can I catch you?" he asked her.

"Come on," She said tying to get out of it, though still somewhat shocked at what he had just shared.

"Please?" Jane added.

"Fine." She turned around and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Come on," he urged her. To her surprise two strong arms caught her as she fell. The relief coursed through her.

"See, you can trust me," Jane said happily.

"Oh, wow. That worked. Suddenly, I trust you," she said with exaggeration.

"Uh-huh!" he said, sounding excited.

"I allow you to drive me around this country in this contraption. That's serious trust," she told him as she got in his car.

* * *

"Oh, you have no notion how good it is to see your face… Rigsby," Jane smiled.

"Rigsby?" Lisbon asked worried.

"Ahhh…" he said with a smile.

"Ah, your funny," she said with a laugh.

* * *

"Still awake?" Jane asked through the screen.

"Wide," replies Lisbon.

"Jane, be careful. Don't try and get them to say anything or stop them. All we need is their phone," she warns.

"Just give us the number. We'll track the kidnappers address."

"Okay. Here comes someone."

"Jane, just do your mind games and get out of there, okay?

"Don't worry mom."

* * *

It was these days, these moments, she realized she missed most. The ones of laughter, full of care, and of course Jane with his annoying tricks.

This was the end, she realized as she took a piece of paper and pen from her small, barely used purse. Just knowing what she had to say brought more tears.

_

* * *

_

Lisbon you can't give up yet. Can't you see I'm trying to wake for you. Of course she can't see. I can't move. I can't talk either. How could she know. Come on move, move…!

_

* * *

_Kate,

This is the only thing I can do right now. I am not mentally stable to make any decisions about Jane or anything else for that matter. I am giving you and the rest of the medical staff here the opportunity to do what you feel best. To pull the plug is unbearable, but to leave him in so much constant pain, alone, that is unthinkable.

So sorry,

Teresa Lisbon

Tears stained the paper as she finished. Lisbon put the pen on the table and stood to face Jane. She crossed the room to his side for the last time, she figured. As she took his hand and kissed it softly she said, "Good bye Jane. I love you now and will love you forever. No matter what happens now. Everything will be okay."

As she set Jane's hand down on the bed, she thought she felt his hand briefly and very softly squeeze her own. _'I'm feeling things now too. There is no way that just happened.' _she told herself as she turned to leave. Looking at Jane one more time, she turned and left, gently closing the door behind her.

* * *

_Yes, you did it. Did she feel it? No! Okay do it again. God, please help. If indeed you are out there somewhere you will help her see I'm okay. That I'm waking up. I can't do it again… why? No Lisbon, don't leave yet. No… I can't be too late. I…I love you too, Teresa. Wake up. Save her. Listen she is leaving... _

* * *

An hour later Jane started breathing on his own. The machine alerted the nurse who ran in to find the Lisbon missing. After tending to Jane, who was now out of his coma, she called Lisbon's cell, to find no one answering. She found this a little strange, but was too concerned with Jane's condition to worry.

* * *

Teresa Lisbon sat in her house. Well actually she laid in her house, because as soon as she made it in the door she collapsed onto the floor.

_"I can't do this anymore. Without Patrick what am I? What can I do? I never even got to tell him. I have no choise..." _

With that thought she stood up and made her way to her bedroom.

* * *

Jane opened his eyes. The room was dark and his eyes were blurry. At first he wasn't sure if he had even waken up. But as his eyes adjusted and the blurriness went away, he was sure. Struggling to sit up, he remembered what had helped him wake up.

'_Lisbon. Oh God, what if I'm too late? I need to hurry.'_

Gently pulling the IV out of his arm, he got out of bed. Almost falling over, he grabs the bed to steady himself. Taking small baby steps, he walks to his folded clothes on the table in the corner. Slipping his shirt over his head, and then stepping into his jeans, he hears the knock on the door and the nurse come in.

"Mr. Jane? Oh I thought I heard someone in here. What on earth are you doing out of bed. Get back in immediately," Kate says sternly. "How are you feeling?"

"No, I can't. I need to go. Now," He said while tying his shoes.

"I'm afraid I can't let you leave. You really shouldn't be up and about. I don't know how you are doing it."

"Lisbon is in trouble. She needs help. I _am_ leaving. I'm leaving right now." He got up, pushed past Kate and walked out the door.

"Mr. Jane," said Kate while watching him step into the elevator, "you really shouldn't lea…"

Pushing the starred button, he waited- but not patiently. It seemed to him that it took an hour to get off the elevator and another to get out the door. As he made his way to the curb he called to a near by taxi. He got in, told the man Lisbon's address, and told the man to go as fast as he could.

Twelve and a half minutes later according to Jane's watch, the taxi pulled into Lisbon's driveway. As Jane opened the door he threw a twenty over the seat to the man.

"No change," he yelled at the man from the steps of her house. He flung the door open to see the house a disaster. Still not able to run, Jane hurried as fast as his uncooperative body allowed through the house. Reaching her room, he flashed back to the time when he came home to a quiet house to see that note on the door of the room that contained the dead bodies of his wife and daughter. Pushing the thought out of his mind, he opened the door and saw… a hand?

"Lisbon! Oh, Teresa, sweetheart wake up. Please. I'm sorry! Wake up for me please?" he begged as he reached for her wrist to feel a pulse and then gave CPR. After the recommended minute he took out his phone and called 911.

"911, what is your emergency?" the operator asked as he put the phone on speaker, and restarted CPR.

"This is Patrick Jane from CBI. I have a woman here who unconscious and not breathing. I need an ambulance fast. Please hurry."

As he quickly told her the address and gave rescue breaths. He continued to perform CPR until the EMT's arrived. As they loaded her onto the ambulance, Jane said the one thing that came to mind. "I love you too, Lisbon. We made it this far, we can't stop now. Hang on there." This was when he finally allowed himself to break down.

Again.

* * *

To be continued? I don't know... I depends on if you like it or not. If you do, review, if you don't review. It's up to you! Please let me know what you think:) ---Wisher93


	3. Jane's Turn to Feel Sorry

Grace Van Pelt walked into the waiting room where the kind nurse said Jane was waiting. She stopped in her tracks when she saw him. It was the second time she had seen him cry. It was the second time she wished there was something she could do. The second time she wished she could comfort him, but didn't know how. It was just wrong to see him there all broken. Wrong when he was also so happy and optimistic. She didn't know how hard he tried sometimes. When Lisbon came into his life, it became easier, and the longer she was there the better it became... well, until now anyway.

This time was different. This time she walked over to him, put her arm around him and murmured comforting words. She was shocked when he placed his arms around her and continued to let his tears fall. This time she cried too.

"Here you go Jane. I got you some tea. I hear your standards for tea are pretty high, but this is all they had." She offered a small smile, but it was no use.

"Thanks Grace, for everything."

She knew he meant letting him cry and not judging him for it. She understood why he cried, understood why he was so upset. She knew, she realized, for once,she had known it long before he had.

The doctor who performed Lisbon's surgery had begun three hours ago. The surgery was supposed to take three to four hours. Jane was very impatient.

"Grace it's been three hours. What if something is wrong?" he asked her, not even caring that his normal indestructible façade had dissolved. He felt it slipping away as soon as he saw her laying on the floor and didn't care enough to try to fix it before it completely fell.

"Oh Jane, she will be fine. She is strong and she will pull through. The surgery may take four hours, so try to relax. Everything will work out," she said to him as she laid a hand on his arm.

"I really hope you are right."

* * *

Rigsby and Cho had come a few hours ago, but had left to get them all something to eat. They left because they both knew Jane was never going to leave until he could leave with Lisbon and Grace was the best one to leave with him. They had given strict instructions to call them as soon as they found out anything.

They returned half an hour later bringing sandwiches and water. Grace grabbed a sandwich for herself and Jane. He didn't touch his, but just stared out the window.

'_How can the sky be so blue, the birds be so happy, when Lisbon is in there dying? How many people will her death affect should she die? What will I do? What will the team do? God, I really need you to help me out here. I don't know how exactly to do this, but please help her. Let her live…'_"Are you here for Teresa Lisbon?" the doctor asked as he walked into the waiting room.

* * *

"Yes!" Jane said as he jumped out of the chair Grace made him sit in.

"She is out of surgery now. It went well. She is in ICU now, and will be transferred into a room as soon as she wakes up."

"Can we see her?" Jane asked quickly.

"Well…"

"Please," he asked sounding desperate, "I need to see her."

"Well alright, I suppose. Like I said before, she will still be sleeping. However, she will be able to hear you."

"Thank you so much," Jane said as he sighed with relief.

"Jane, you go first," Grace told him as the doctor left the room.

He was out of the room before she could finish. He ran to the room the nurse told him. Ironically it was Kate. He couldn't help but feel nervous, and happy and well, upset Teresa tried to kill herself in the first place.

As he reached the door of room 316 he shivered involuntarily. He looked up and down the hall before taking a deep breath and opening the door. When he saw her a tear fell from his eye, tracing his cheek, before falling to the ground, followed by another, and another. She looked so small, like a child on the already small hospital bed. Everything she was, was gone. She no longer looked like the strong, caring Lisbon he knew. She was pale and limp. She did look peaceful though, and that made Jane feel slightly better.

The tears came harder as he realized he had done this to her. If he hadn't been so damn worried about the damn case, he would never have been put in a coma, and ultimately, she would still be aright. It made him hate himself. He had _hurt _her. He didn't think he would live with that thought, though he knew he had to.

'_She must want me around if she tried to kill herself because I was in a coma, right? Maybe everything will work out' _he willed himself to believe.

He grabbed her hand and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead.

"If you don't want me anymore Lisbon, I understand. After what I put you through, I wouldn't want me either."

And once again the tears began to fall.

And fall.

And fall.

* * *

Thanks to Chickideeee, by beta! You rock. Please R&R. It will give me motivation to write sooner!


	4. Coffin

Chapter 4

There he stood, not knowing what really happened, not knowing why. He brushed a tear from his cheek as he sat in the front row and watched as Grace, Rigsby, Cho and Minelli, one by one, put a white rose on her coffin.

It was all a blur really. He didn't understand what Lisbon did to deserve to die. It wasn't fair. All the innocent people die, and the criminals get free. And it was his fault. He was no better than any of those criminals. He fell in right beside the murderers and robbers. He was greedy and this is how he lost the third person he loved.

It was Jane's turn. He slowly stood and walked towards where Lisbon lay. When he looked at her his blood ran cold. This wasn't Lisbon. It was his wife. He turned and no one was there. He saw Lisbon coming towards him.

"Teresa, your okay!"

He stopped when he heard what she said to him.

"Why Jane? Why did you kill me? You made me die. It is your fault."

"No, no, I, you, no," he mumbled as he backed up.

His wife started coming at him from the back.

"You killed me Jane. And our daughter. Why? Why didn't you give up the job? Didn't you know this would happen?"

His world started spinning. He fell to the ground.

* * *

Jane sat up in bed.

'_Just a nightmare, just a nightmare,'_ he thought to himself.

The nurse sent him home to get some sleep after he had spent four days with Teresa.

He let out a sigh as he saw the time. It was only 4:08 in the morning. He rolled out of bed and went down stairs. As he prepared a cup of tea, he sat and thought about Lisbon, and how it really was his fault.

* * *

"Come on, Lisbon. He did it. Let's go get him. Come on!"

"Jane, you're so sure of yourself all the time. It is really annoying," she said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

"You know you love me," he said with a smirk. "Please? Trust me?"

"Jane, think about it. We have no evidence on him."

"A confession is pretty good evidence. You know it too. I can fell it. He did it. Why are you being so difficult?"

"So let's say we do go get him. We don't even know where he is. He is a serial rapist and murderer. He is smart."

"I know where he is. It was easy," Jane boasted.

"Oh really? Well, please enlighten me," she said to him sounding unimpressed.

"I saw a picture in his girlfriend's house. He is at a cabin about forty minutes away from here."

"That is not his girlfriend, remember?"

"Oh, no, she is. I went upstairs when you were talking to her. As she was convincing you she was only friends and had not seen him in months, I found a box of letters she had received from him throughout the same time. She is definitely his girlfriend. See, she is at work when mail comes everyday. That is why I have been gone everyday at the same time. I have been checking her mail. Guess what I found today? Yep, a letter from him. It tells us where he is," he finished with a large grin.

"Good job. I'll tell the team," she said as she opened her office door and walked out to brief the others.

Jane followed her with a knowing smile.

* * *

As they got their gear ready and prepared to leave, Jane realized they were all at different levels of worry for different reasons. Rigsby was worried over Grace, because she was the "bait". Grace was worried they wouldn't catch the guy. Cho was not really worried, with his normal façade. Lisbon was worried about him getting away and about her team. Jane was always amazed at how well Lisbon dealt with stress. They all did so well. He was proud of them all, though he definitely wouldn't tell anyone. Except for maybe Grace. And Lisbon, if she needed to hear it.

Lisbon walked in the room, interrupting his train of thought. She smiled quickly seeing him laying on 'his' couch with his eyes closed. He was pretending to sleep. She walked over to him.

"Jane," she said quietly. "I know you're not sleeping."

He opened one eye to look at her. "You're more observant than you think you are. Maybe you're the psychic one here," he said with a smile.

"Are you coming with us?" she asked him.

"Do you want me to?" he smirked.

"Just answer the question," Lisbon demanded with a playful smack on his arm.

"Yeah, I'm coming." He offered her a smile.

"Alright. We are leaving soon. The rest of the team are loading up the truck. I'm heading down there now."

"Okay, let me grab my jacket. I'll be right out," he told Lisbon as he stood.

"I'll wait."

"Okay. There it is."

He quickly put it on, and together, they walked to the elevator. They were silent, but it was a comfortable silence. As they walked their arms brushed a couple times, but neither moved.

* * *

"Okay team," Lisbon said into her walky-talky, "this guy maybe armed and dangerous. Let's stick to the plan, and let's all make it back safe, alright?"

She opened her door and took a deep breath.

"It will all be alright."

"You better be right," she said as she got out and walked in the dark to the other vehicle. Jane followed.

"Van Pelt, are you sure you can do this?"

"Yes," she said determined.

"Okay then. Everyone, get to your places and wait for my command."

She got in the van along with Jane. Grace left, looking a little nervous. She put on a smile and walked across the street. She walked past the tall bushes that surrounded the property until she reached the driveway. She walked past the car and up to the door. She rang the doorbell and waited.

A man in his late thirties opened the door. He had an old shirt on that was stained and ratty old jeans. He had whiskers and brown hair. She could smell the alcohol on his clothes. She could smell it on his breath when he started talking to her.

"Wha's a purty youn' girl doing at my door?" he slurred.

"My car broke down, and I was wondering if I could use your telephone to call someone to come get me," she said with a seductive smile.

"Well ya sure can. Come on in."

"Well, thanks."

"Uh huh. This way," he grinned a blood thirsty grin, and his eyes wandered over her body.

"Ya know," he started, "It's dark 'n this place is hard to find. Why don't you stay here for the night?"

"Oh, no, but thanks for asking. I will just quick call a friend and be on my way."

He pushed her against the wall and said, "I insist."

Lisbon and the team rushed to the house after hearing this on her hidden wire. On the count of three Cho broke down the door, and they entered.

"CBI. Come out with your hands in the air," Lisbon yelled out.

There was no answer or response of any kind. They made their way through the rooms of the house. Jane was suddenly alone. All of the others had gone to find Grace, but he was busy listening, thinking.

He heard a noise coming from above him. He quickly went to a door and opened it. He found it led to a set of stairs. He followed them to a small room. It was cluttered and smelled musty. He saw both the man and Grace. The man had a gun, but was so drunk it fell from his hands.

Jane lunged for it and yelled, "Get out of here, now!"

"Jane," she started.

Patrick now had the gun, but the man was on top of him, trying to get it back.

"Go," he shouted loudly.

A strange sound echoed through the room. Jane knew what had happened. The man had been shot in the struggle. He carefully stood up, the gun in his hands. He raised it and pointed it at Jane. Another bang rang out, but Jan felt no pain. He looked up to see the man had been shot. He turned around to see Lisbon. She had come up the stairs and saved him.

"Jane NO!" she screamed in terror. The man shot the gun. It ripped through Jane, making him fall to the ground. He felt the wound, but his body seemed far away, like he was above it. He could feel the sticky red ooze coming from his wound. As his world started to go black he focused in on Lisbon. It had only been a few seconds since he had fallen, but it felt like a lifetime. Lisbon shot her gun twice more. The man fell, dead.

Lisbon ran to Jane, with tears in her eyes at the sight of all the blood. He was already unconscious. Cho called for a bus, while Lisbon tried to stop the massive bleeding.

* * *

Jane got ready and left for the hospital. Maybe Teresa would be up soon. He wanted to be there when she did. He could hope, but for some reason, he felt like he would be alone forever.


	5. What Hurts Even More

Chapter 5

It was nearly an hour later when he realized how selfish he was being. He slowly stood up and kissed her forehead again.

"I'll be back later, okay? The others will probably want to see you some more."

He let go of her hand and carefully set it back down on the bed. He walked down the hallway and into the waiting room where the rest of the team sat. Grace stood up as he walked and met him halfway across the floor.

"How is she? Had there been a change? Is she awake yet?" She asked quickly.

"Slow down, Grace," he said with a small smile. "She is doing okay but is still asleep. He sat in a chair close to Cho and Rigsby.

"Sorry I was in there so long. I didn't even think about it. I just couldn't leave, you know?" he apologized as he put his head in his hands.

"Don't worry about it man. You're fine," Cho assured him.

"Grace, you next," Jane said.

"Okay, thanks."

While walking down the hallway, Grace couldn't help but think of how horrible it would be if Lisbon hadn't made it out okay. How weird it would be without her there to help them, guide them. She reached the room and stood there a while wondering if it was okay she was going to see Lisbon second. What would Lisbon think? Managing to somehow push her fear to the back of her mind, Grace opened the door.

As soon as she saw Lisbon she ran to the side of the bed and half-hugged her. Lisbon was awake! Grace was very happy, and then, just like that, she was on the other side of the room.

"I…I am sorry. I will go… get Jane," she stammered

"He is okay? How?"

"He is fine. He is here waiting for you. I really am sorry."

Lisbon just looked at her, shock showing clear as day on her face.

Grace turned and walked to the door, and she was almost gone when she heard Lisbon speak quitely. "Wait. Grace…"

Taking a deep breath, Grace walked back into the room.

"Yes?" she said looking nervous.

"What have you got to be sorry for? I, I don't understand. Please… enlighten me," she shut her tired eyes for a moment and listened to the beeping of her machine.

"Well, I shouldn't be here. Not when you wake up. I mean, I'm just someone on your team…"

"No, Grace, you are not just someone on the team. You are someone on _my _team. Someone who is_ my _friend. Someone who _I _happen to want to see. You think I don't appreciate you, that I don't see that you come to work before your shift and leave long after it ends. But you see, I think it is _you _who doesn't understand how much you mean to everyone on the team and how important you are when it comes to working as a team. I enjoy working with you and I would very much like to be your friend outside of work. I do what I do to make sure you know what you are in for, that this is by no means, an easy job. I see that you know that now. I did it to everyone."

"Wow, I… huh. I never knew. But why did you want me? Is there something you need?"

"I needed to tell you that."

"Oh."

The room fell silent for a moment. But it was a comfortable silence. One shared between friends.

"I'll go get the team."

"Um, Grace, can you just send in Patrick for a moment. Don't tell them I am awake yet, okay? Just make something up, like the nurse needs him or something. Please?"

"Sure. I will find a way," she said with a determined smile.

"Thanks Grace. I am really glad I was able to tell you that," she said and she smiled weakly.

Grace smiled in return. "Me too. I will see you later."

"Okay, sounds good," she said with a tired voice.

Grace went down the hall taking her time. She was coming up with a plan. As she returned to the waiting room she smiled. She had an idea.

Jane saw Grace return and asked how Lisbon was. She could see how much Lisbon meant to him, and she thought it was cute.

"Jane, Lisbon's doctor wants to see you."

"What's wrong? Is she okay?" Jane asked with a voice full of worry as he jumped out of the chair he was in.

Grace felt horrible for making Jane think something was wrong with Lisbon. She had not planned on him thinking that. She hated seeing how hurt he looked because of what she said.

"Oh, she is fine… good. She's good," she said a little too fast.

"Where is he?" he asked as he stood up.

"He was in her room when I left." _'Good one,'_ she thought to herself.

"Alright. Thanks Grace."

He took off down the hall. He saw her doctor farther down and called for him somewhat quietly. When Jane reached him, he smiled.

"You wanted to see me?" he asked.

"Um, no. I don't need to see you," he told Jane confused.

"Well Grace told me… never mind. Must have been a mistake."

He turned towards the room Grace and the team was in, but decided to instead go in again and see Lisbon. He opened her door and walked in. He looked at her quickly, then at the machine that was showing her heartbeat. He did a double take.

"Hey Jane," she said giving his favorite smile.

"Teresa!" he practically shouted at her as he crossed the room in a few steps, and pulled her into a hug.

"Don't you ever do that to me again, understand? I can't lose you," he said to her, "Why would you do that to yourself?"

She looked away from him. How could she tell him she loved him? It wasn't that easy. No one loved her. Not anymore. When her mother died it messed her up, so what chance sis she have at love, right?

"I… because."

Jane put a hand under her chin, and gently made her look at him.

"Why?" He searched her eyes for any sign, for any answer.

"It was my fault. My fault." She looked out the window again. Her gaze landed on two young children playing in their backyard. She wished she could be that oblivious, that innocent.

"How? I was the one that made you agree. All this, all of it, is my fault, not yours. Please understand. If something happens to me, don't give up your life. Yours is so full of love and meaning. You are an amazing person, you just don't seem know it."

"How can I live without you?" As soon as she said it, a hand flew up to her mouth and covered it. She couldn't believe she said that. Now he would hate her. He doesn't love her…

"How? Like you did before I met you. You would have to go on with your life. I mean it."

She looked at him again. Hoping he would let go what she had just said, and forget about it, she was kind of upset when he said something.

"Is that why you hurt yourself? You didn't want to live without me?" Jane asked her somewhat shocked as what she had said dawned on him.

This time she turned her body slightly so she was looking right at him.

"You know what, you're right. I don't want to live without you, okay? I am sorry that what happened to you made me feel pain so horrible, it was like a hole was in my heart. I don't know why this happened, and I sure don't know how, but it did it. I am sorry you were strong enough when you lost your wife and daughter, and I wasn't strong enough to lose you. You probably think I am weak, I do too. I obviously am not as great as everyone thinks I am. Do you know what hurts the most? Thinking you lost the only person who you have ever really cared for. And you know what hurts even more? The fact that I would have lost you and you wouldn't even have known that I do care," she finished finally.

She looked over at him and saw his smile.

"You think this is funny?" she demanded.

"I think it is funny how you went on, and nothing you said changed how much I care about you. You can say whatever you want, and do whatever you want, and I will still always love you. It doesn't matter what happened or will happen ten years down the road. All that matters is that now, we are both okay. You are right. I don't _think_ you are strong or brave or amazing. I know it. And everyone else who knows you thinks so too."

She looked at him and a small smile graced her face as she sighed in relief. Her eyes closed again, and she let out a yawn.

"Go to sleep, Teresa. Everything is okay now," he told her. His hand brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

"Jane, please don't leave. I need you, okay?" She couldn't believe that she had said that. Did she need anyone? '_No, but maybe... maybe it wouldn't be so bad.'_

"I won't leave you. You're alright now. Sleep."

He pulled covers over her, and then laid down on top of them. He pulled her close, and she relaxed at his touch.

"Good night Teresa," he told her as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Good night Patrick," she sighed into his shoulder.

"Hey, Patrick?" she said.

"Yeah?"

"I think I love you," she said as she closed her eyes.

He chuckled. "I love you."

She had already fallen asleep, but he would tell her again as soon as she woke up. They would be okay now. The part that hurt the most was over, and now the healing could begin. The path they would both take would begin and end the same way: with them together.

* * *

This is it... Thank you for sticking with me through it. I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think! -Morgan


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